Sunday, June 17, 2012 @ 10:56 PM
Every betrayal begins with trust.
Suddenly, I feel like hugging my sister. I can imagine my arms going all the way round her body because she is so skinny and then squeeze her till she screams for me to stop, LOL. We had a super long chat yesterday through Viber and I told her everything. I thought my intuition was strong - I'm intuitive as in I can easily know whether the person is lying or not by just looking at their microexpressions or how others feel about me no matter how well they hide their emotions or what they're going to say before they actually say it. Basically, my sixth sense is very strong and my gut feeling is right most of the time. In short, you can say I'm a very - I mean, VERY - sensitive person. Good or bad, it depends.
However, I just realised my sister's intuition is stronger.
She not only can guess what people are going to say even before they open their mouths but she KNOWS something's gonna happen before it actually does. Something like a vision or a premonition. I remembered once she said she felt something really bad was gonna happen and the next minute, BAM. A car crash right before our very eyes. I even saw the glass pieces flying everywhere, scattering the road. And this type of events happened quite a number of times, more often than not, so I don't think it's a coincidence. It's like she can predict someone's gonna call us before the phone even starts ringing, something like that.
I ranted to her yesterday about what had happened to me and she said, "I told you not to trust her, remember?" And I actually did remember, vaguely. We were lying on my bed, about to sleep, when I told her I've met the sweetest and most wonderful person ever. She just told me this, "There is no such perfect person in the world. You'd better be careful and not to trust her fully, alright?" I just ignored her because I was overjoyed. I think I got slightly mad because how dare she insult my friend and say she's not trustworthy? She didn't even know her. Little did I know how right my sister was. I should've trusted her words. Now, I've gotten badly hurt because I didn't listen.
Too bad, Ru Min. You always think you know everything. Serves you right.
I found out the true colours of my "friend" last year but I didn't want to expose her. Everyone deserves a second chance to make things right so I kept quiet about it. Until last Monday, something happened. It's the final straw. Enough is enough. I just couldn't take it anymore and the things bottled up inside me just exploded. I remembered calling all my old mates just to vent my anger and express my utmost grief of losing a friend whom I THOUGHT was my friend. It's good to know I have other friends whom I can still trust (I hope).
I'm actually very upset that I've lost a friend I've held dear to me. But to finally see her real self was even more disheartening because I actually thought she was my friend. It turned out our friendship was nothing more than just another one of her lies.
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Whisk me away
Tuesday, June 5, 2012 @ 4:15 PM
Incidents like that happen a lot and I'm not proud of them, of course. I feel guilty for treating them like that but I don't have a very good anger management skill. I rant about them a lot on my blog and when I look back on the post, my heart just twists into knots of shame and embarrassment at the words I use to vent my anger. I can see myself being so heartless and plain rude. I've always wanted to delete negative posts but I just can't bring myself to do it because they serve as a history of my feelings and a reminder that I shouldn't blog like that again as it's mean.
I know my parents call me fat and all but they still buy me food to devour so it's okay. They still love me, haha. And as long as there's food around, they can call me fat to their hearts' desire. :B I'm glad my parents don't show love by using meaningless words and empty promises like some of my friends' parents. I'm really grateful for that. My parents are more of the physical side and not emotionally driven. After all, actions speak louder than words.
Wait. Let's move back a few steps. Empty promises.
I know my parents love me and all but I just can't get over the fact that they don't wanna buy me a freaking iPod Nano 5G. *sulks* It's already so outdated and they can get one for me for a super cheap price. But, nooo. I will end up being deaf, dumb and retarded if I listen to them songs. -_- And they think I'll get hooked to listening to songs until I can't concentrate in my studies. Y U NO UNDERSTAND? With the iPad, two computers, a laptop and the TV lying around, WHAT studies? *yaomingface*
I don't see myself as a demanding child. I don't ask for a new iPhone or laptop for no reason. If I didn't do anything to earn it, then I don't deserve it. As simple as that. I also seldom spend money on clothes or accessories; I'm not an impulse shopper. Only recently, I started buying a few tees here and there because my wardrobe sucks max and doesn't fit my age group. The clothes I'm having now are for twelve-year-olds and that might be an understatement because twelve-year-olds are dressing more maturely nowadays. ._.
Come to think of it, I need more shorts. Okay, I digress. Moving on.
I don't like buying a cup of Starbucks coffee for myself. Or Häagen-Dazs ice-cream as a treat. Heck, I'm so reluctant to buy Subway cookies until my friends think I'm some stingy piece of shit. My point is I don't spend my parents' money like water. It's true that they might have spent thousands on my food and gazillion storybooks but those things worth more than dresses and lip gloss, right? Right? RIGHT? Right.
So, I deserve an iPod Nano 5G. And I'm gonna get it myself if they don't want to. Hmph.
Ahhh, to think I can finally have my very own (outdated) gadget other than the purple cellphone that I still can't claim it's mine just in case my parents decided to take it back one fine day - it feels fantabulous. :D Like rainbows and unicorns and Nutella. 8D I've been surfing eBay Malaysia lately and found good deals but the bidding time ended. :( Gonna try my luck again.
In the mean time, ANYONE who wants to SELL their iPOD NANO 5G (preferably 16GB with a CAMERA) which is still in GOOD CONDITION, please leave me a comment. I might consider if the colour is nice and you're selling it at a reasonable price. :) And it must still be FUNCTIONING WELL, of course. If you know anyone who wants to sell theirs, please tell them to leave me a comment, too. Thanks. :D
Click HERE to leave me a message if you don't know where the tagboard is.
UPDATE : I just found one on eBay Malaysia again! And it comes in ten different colours! :D But it's an iPod Nano 4G with only 8GB and no camera function. Should I get it? :/
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Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 11:07 AM
Hey, guys. I just got back from Camporama two days ago with my new tan and painful sunburns. Couldn't say I regretted going but the sunburns kinda ruined my mood because they caused so much excruciating pain and emitted heat waves? LOL, something like that. It was a totally different experience from all the church camps I've ever been to because Camporama was filled with so many activities under the hot sun rather than services and workshops all day in a fully air-cond room.
I did feel awkward, though, because I'm not a ranger. Everyone was looking good in their ranger uniforms during parades and they were so sporting during activities. I didn't really help because I didn't know what to do; all I did was played all the games and got my Skillarama badge, haha. Another thing I noticed was I made more friends in this camp compared to my previous ones. I think it's because I didn't go with anyone to camp (especially Su Li, my camp buddy) so I was forced to make new friends? It turned out well because I get to meet new people. If I were to go with someone, I think I'll just stick to that person and both of us will just be together alone, LOL.
I've not gotten so many injuries in my life before but I'm not complaining. There's a huge bruise on my left arm from playing archery - IKR? How did I even get hurt from playing archery? Actually, the elastic part of the bow must have hit me when I released my arrow but it didn't really hurt. Mana tau, the next minute I looked at my arm, BAM. Say hello to my mega bruise. Apart from a few blisters here and there, I'm all good. Oh, and I got another injury when I was playing the flying fox game. IDK how to explain what exactly happened because it was so fast but all I know was part my skin was torn out from my nail on my right little finger. I know it sounds gross but no worries, I can see some new skin growing already. Speedy recovery much? :D
I had a strange feeling of reassurance and calmness in my heart during the night rallies. I think it's because 600+ people from different churches and outposts were worshipping the same God with childlike faith. I like that. Despite the stuffy hall and the uncool air-conds, God's presence was definitely strong. I was fanning myself like crazy during P&W but I still felt connected with God. Ps. Daniel's message was also good although he'd repeated a few of his stories before. The questions he posted required us to think hard and search for the right answer. Food for thought.
Reading this post, you can't possibly say I regretted going, right? Because I didn't, and thank God I didn't. Great experience, great people, great message, great food (okaaay lah, haha).
Let's do it again in 2016. \m/0 Hullabaloo(s) : contribute
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 @ 3:25 PM
I went to register for my driving test at the HQ this morning and my driving instructor told another random driving instructor to register for me. My God, you should've seen the disgusting look on that schmuck's face. He stared at me through the two slits on his face and then I think I saw him LICKED HIS LIPS?!! WTH?!! He told me to sign some papers so after I did that, when he wanted to take his pen back from me, he used BOTH his hands to grab hold of MINE and like
Dammit, why do I always encounter this kind of shit? So unlucky.
Anyway, I've been having intensive ballet classes lately. I've missed out so much because of my stupid school exams, sigh. My toes are so numb from all the pointe work. And I've grown so fat until I don't even feel like moving around anymore. Time to go to the gym again but I'm so lazy. Oh, I'll be away until Saturday because I'll be attending a church camp. Honestly, I don't feel like going because the camp is more for rangers only and I'm not a ranger. Everyone will be wearing their cool rangers uniform and marching and looking smart and there will be me, standing and watching them. Awkwardly. And alone. In a noob and casual outfit. ._. Darn, why did my mum even sign me up for the camp?
And OMG, what if the other rangers start pointing at me and say, "Phew, thank God I'm a ranger or else I'll end up looking like that loser over there standing alone, sticking out like a sore thumb."? Or maybe something like, "How dare that commoner attend this camp? So thick-skinned! It's only for rangers lah!"? :O Ohnoz, I'll die from social humiliation. :( Maybe I should start packing now. I heard all campers are required to bring along a sarong. ._. Um, where am I supposed to get one?
Bryan said it's gonna be lots of fun in the sun. I hope he's right. D: And IDK why the camp sounds like the national service training programme. I don't mind that, though. After all, I like outdoor activities and a little tan. It's just that... Arghhh. I don't feel so good. :/
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Friday, May 25, 2012 @ 8:25 PM
WTH, I'm freaking pissed off right now. Thanks to SOMEBODY, he just ruined my entire day. He said I didn't study enough and wasn't focused throughout my exams. Are you freaking kidding me? Does it even matter whether I've studied or not? You and your wife would just say I didn't, right? And what about all those, "Oh, you're stressing yourself too much!" or "Just take it easy and relax!"? Forgotten about those already? Yea, just when I'm starting to chill you said I'm NOT focused and NOT studying enough? Seriously, screw you. I thought you were different from her; I guess I was wrong.
And so what if I was watching music videos on the iPad while studying? SO WHAT? I told you I wanted an iPod because I wanna listen to music - I didn't even freaking ask for an iPhone or my own laptop or a freaking iPod TOUCH, you SOB - but nooo, you and your bloody wife said listening to the iPod will make me DEAF and DIE and GET CANCER and whatever shit you guys made up just to avoid getting me one. And before that nonsense happened, she had the NERVE to say, "You want an iPod? Let's wait for your results first." Really? Screw you. I'm not a person who asks for rewards when my results are satisfying but just when I wanna ask for a little favour?
NO.
Excuses, excuses and MORE OF YOUR DUMB EXCUSES.
Excuses, excuses and MORE OF YOUR DUMB EXCUSES.
About the DSLR thing. SCREW THE HELL OUT OF BOTH OF YOU LAH. Seriously? Using that DSLR excuse as my reward for getting 8A's in PMR, as my birthday gift for TWO consecutive years, as my CHRISTMAS gift, as my reward for getting good results, as a gift for my living existence, etc. etc. etc. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And then said, "Hey, the DSLR is for everybody, not for you only." SCREW YOU ALL. Will it even hurt to get me a storybook, even if it's a shitty one? I DON'T EVEN SPEND YOUR MONEY ON CLOTHES, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH BOTH OF YOU?
Freaking sick of you both lah. You set high expections, I achieve it, then you tell me to relax. When I start chilling a bit, YOU SAID I DIDN'T STUDY? Please, go rot in hell, IDGAD. You think it's so nice and easy to remain first, is it? If I didn't study, you think the teachers, like, SUMMONED me to get first? BEING FIRST IS NOT STRESSFUL AND TIRING, IS IT? SCREW YOU. GO AND TRY BEING FIRST AND SEE LAH, MA DE. When you get first, people EXPECT you to get first so it's no big deal. When you DON'T get first, people assume you either got lazy/arrogant so they look down upon you. Sounds fun, right? Shit you.
I hate the first position. You have nothing to look forward to as there is no position higher than the first place. And the whole freaking world either hates you for being top all the time or they'll just look at you and think you have no life because you're a nerd. And some kiasu scumbags will just keep competing with you until you die/lose to them. IDGAD but it gets annoying/sick/tiring after a while. You told me to relax and chill. No need to get first all the time. THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING NOW LAH. If I really got first again, it's all thanks to God because I didn't really study. If I didn't then it doesn't matter lah since it's my own fault for not studying like mad; being first doesn't mean anything to me. I've gotten way worse, anyway. BUT WHY ARE YOU EVEN GIVING A DAMN? WHEN I REVISE TILL 3AM, DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT? Or were you snoring away in Dreamland? But when the minute I go on YouTube, you said I'M NOT FOCUSED? Please, kill me before I kill you.
Shouldn't you guys be thankful that I didn't end up like those shitass smart people who got depression after a while? Shouldn't you guys feel better that I didn't really cared when I lost three marks? Or would you guys feel better if I actually bugged the teacher to give me those three marks back? Stop. I think I know the answer but I don't wanna hear it. If you think I'm dumb, fine. But I think you're dumber. What part of "I AM DIFFERENT" do you not understand? I don't wanna enter the medical field. That's so mainstream. I don't even like Science subjects, for heaven's sake. I'm just taking those lame subjects just because you want me to. If I ever requested to study any Arts subjects, I think you guys will go berserk and just melt into the earth since you think Arts subjects are for stupid people, right? -_-
You once said both of you will support me in anything I do. Now, tell me why I can't seem to find any truth in that statement. *rolls eyes* "What field are you interested in, then?" Don't you even dare ask me that. I told you before but does it even matter? It was stupid of me to think it did. Don't even bother asking me what field I'm interested in because in the end, YOU'LL JUST ASK ME TO BE A GODDAMN DOCTOR.
Newsflash : Over my dead body.
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Sunday, May 20, 2012 @ 5:40 PM
I just witnessed Snoopy getting drugged by my dad so that Snoopy will feel drowsy and fall into a deep sleep. He will not feel the pain in his left ear when my dad stitch his wound up. The vet said she couldn't stich Snoopy's wound because the cartilage is out; my dad wanted to prove her wrong so he tried to operate my dog. He mentioned suddenly that Snoopy might be overdosed with the drug and what if he couldn't wake up? I felt my hair stand. Instantly, I was washed with fear after hearing this bloody piece of news.
I stared at Snoopy while my dad waited for the drug to settle. My heart was beating as fast as his. He panted loudly and his breath came out short. I was so anxious and started praying silently. God, please don't let Snoopy go just like that. Snoopy started knocking into objects around my house when he was walking around - he was getting drowsy. To prevent this, I locked him up in his cage first just in case he got any concussions.
He panted really heavily inside his cage and that's when I got really scared. I finally flipped and with anger in my eyes, I screamed at my dad for if Snoopy never wakes up, I'll label him a murderer for life. He just stood there as if numb to my words. The more I screamed and shouted, I felt tears springing to my eyes but I held them back. Please, Lord, let Snoopy live. My dad finally spoke and said, "Go inside and study." "NO." I shouted immediately. "ARE YOU SERIOUS? HOW CAN I POSSIBLY CONCENTRATE WHEN MY DOG IS DYING HERE? HOW HEARTLESS CAN YOU BE?"
"With family members crowding around the patient, they tend to get too emotional. A doctor can't perform his work well. That's why family members are supposed to wait outside the operation theatre. Not because they will contaminate the air but because they don't know what's going to happen to their beloved one so they'll freak out." he said quietly.
Doctors. It's as if there's an unspoken rule that doctors are not supposed to shed a tear when someone dies, an unwritten statement that they have to be the one being the pillar to support the late patient's friends and family members. What's more, they will be accused as being irresponsible or careless if they are unable to save the patient. They are expected to heal the sick, cure the needy and save lives; if they don't, all they'll be getting are million-dollar lawsuits slapped onto their faces.
Being a doctor is not all about studying like mad during the first few years then earning big bucks later on. A doctor's job don't stop at successfully curing the patient but it is his duty to stay strong when his patient could not make it. He's the one who has to go through all the criticism, endless snarls and bitter comments from the whole community just because the patient might have died of old age. Not the parents, not the family members, not the friends, but the doctors - they are truly the strongest people alive.
I stood there staring at my dad holding Snoopy down (he was still so freaking active although he was drowsy) while his temporary nurse (my maid) assisted him. I suddenly realised all my bellowing and shouting just served as a distraction to them; I was practically useless. I left them alone and came into the house to calm down. That's all I could do.
I don't know what happened next. All I'm hearing now is barking and whining from Snoopy. I think I better end this post before I could no longer type anymore from all those tears.
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Saturday, May 19, 2012 @ 8:16 PM
Something's wrong with me. Or more specifically, my face. I don't know which part of my face - or maybe my ENTIRE face, for that matter - appeals to guys of all ages... EXCEPT MINE. -_- My previous post was about some dirty old man hitting on me and this time around... horny young boys. Are you kidding me? On a side note, I'm having my MYE now but because I'm feeling badass and just don't feel like studying, I'm gonna blog about this.
We had school today, a SATURDAY. And exams as a bonus, too, my dear. Anyway, I was waiting at my usual spot for my transport to come pick me up but the uncle was late today. I was grumpy and sleepy and tired so I just sat there and sulked. My mind started to wander and I thought about some stuff and you know when you're deep in thought, you'll just stare at the same spot without knowing it because um, well, you're deep in thought.
I was zoning out when I discovered two juniors staring at me and started giggling. Boys. Both of them. Giggling. Ignoring them, I just minded my own business and stood up to check over their heads whether my transport had arrived. Just then, I heard one boy whispering and nudging to the other excitedly, "喂，他看过来liao!" ("She's looking over here already!") Naturally, I LOOKED at them immediately because I knew they were talking about me - I was the only person beside them. Fine, no big deal. Nothing extraordinary.
Yet.
"Okay, 这个? 你要我跟她讲ah?" asked the other boy. ("Okay, this one? You want me to talk to her?") I sat straighter and listened carefully. The first boy mentioned something about daring the other boy to talk to me. IDK, something like that lah. The second boy kept turning his head and looking at me as if he was planning his move. -_- I was too lazy to stare back so I just closed my eyes and rested.
Their laughter flooded my ears again a few minutes later. They were pointing at me when I opened my eyes and the first boy jumped when he saw me staring at them. "Shh! 她醒来liao啦! 还笑!" he said. ("Shh, she woke up already! Stop laughing!") I rolled my eyes but kept silent. Strangely, I found them both quite adorable because they didn't know I could understand every word they were saying. LOLS~ There was a point where they were just too feverish and noisy so I turned to look at them. The second boy caught me staring so he, I noticed, swallowed hard and said, "H-hello." LOL, WTH. I just smiled. The first boy then laughed like mad and screamed, "她爱上你liao! 她爱上你liao!" ("She's in love with you! SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU!") The minute I heard that, I was like :
The second boy got up and smacked him then sat back down beside me. ._. The first boy also calmed down and joined us. I checked once again to see whether my transport had arrived and the first boy said, "Eh, 她在看你的什么leh." And then he cracked up. ("Eh, she's looking at your you-know-what.") I rolled my eyes and stared at both of them. The second boy was so startled when he saw me glaring at them and whispered to the first boy, "Eh! 她好像会听华语leh! Oh, my God!" ("Eh, she understands Mandarin!") Before the first boy could say, "Really?" I smirked and said, "I understood every single word you just said." Both of them stared at me like shit. -_- What? Do I even look like a banana? My friends say I'm freaking Chinese-y lah!
They pointed at each other at the same time and shouted, "HE WANTS TO KNOW YOUR NAME!" I felt like being spiteful towards them because my mood was so foul but oh, c'mon! They're just kids. HORNY young kids. == Thank God, my transport came just in time. I ignored them and walked away. Fourteen-year-old boys nowadays, getting desperate and shit.
BTW, Ivan said my driving instructor told his friend that I looked pretty. What the shit. I know I'm supposed to take that as a compliment and be thankful because after all, I'm just a big fat slab of meat, LMAO, but after ALL I've been through, I'm so freaked out. AND I ALWAYS WEAR LIKE SHIT ON PURPOSE DURING MY DRIVING LESSONS. Even if I'm wearing like a goddess, I still look like shit. Or just normal, at the most.
Damn, all these weird people and their exotic tastes. I'm so paranoid already. Slowly stripping me of my sanity everyday. God, save me. D:
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