Leaping Kangaroos

Tuesday, October 30, 2012 @ 7:02 PM

Okay, I guess it's official. I'm gonna blog a lot more nowadays because I can't possibly contain all these thoughts in my very small head. It is seriously overwhelming and exhausting, trust me. Yesterday, I went blog-hopping and Tumblr-stalking and I stumbled upon a friend's Tumblr which was so insightful, I was so glad I arrived there because all his short posts and the pictures he reblogs spoke volumes to me. Among the swearing and cussing to get rid of frustration and confusions, his feelings were clear as day - they were exactly like mine. He's lived through all the shittiest feelings I'm experiencing right now and still going strong. As selfish as I sound, I find so much comfort in that because God showed me that I'm not alone and there are people out there suffering this crap as well. The best part is, he's a guy (no shit, Sherlock). Now, I don't have to blame myself for being a girl and having all these crappy moods because really, we're all humans and we're made to feel the same way regardless of gender, age, race and religion. I don't really know him in person but he seems like a pretty chilled guy with a great life. Now, I realised how wrong I was, to always think that the grass on the other side is so much greener and healtheir. No. No one's life is perfect; they act like it is because ego and pride will always get the better of them. Everyone is the main character in their own life, they have to put up a show, play a certain role even though they don't want to, just to please their audience. It's all a huge façade. But when they're in their own secret corner, you'll see people peeling off the mask they have to put on everyday to face others to not get judged because that's how society is. Judgemental, always the first to point fingers. And they'll start sobbing, ever so softly, to themselves so that no one can hear their cries because they're supposed to be strong. I'm sure everyone's going through their own shit so I'm in no position to say the next person in line has a better life than me. Different people just choose to express themselves and react to the crap they face differently, be it positively or negatively. And it's somehow like natural selection, the best adapted ones are the most resistant to the shit they go through and when they come out alive, weak after battling for so long, they'll be, at the same time, so much stronger than before.

It's not a good habit to swear and curse but I really appreciated it when he did; at least he was being true to himself and showing how real of a person he was, not even trying to put on some holy façade just because he's a Christian. People always expect us to be some holy group of people and I agree, our actions do matter a lot as Christians because all the world sees is our every move and how we react to things in life but we are also mere humans, gosh, just give us a break. We are sinners. We're not perfect and we make shitloads of mistakes everyday. We swear when we're frustrated, gossip when we're feeling bitter, hate when we get hurt (surprise, surprise). But that doesn't mean we're not working our asses off to be better people and grow more like Him. It's such a difficult task, not impossible, but extremely hard. To be expected to be good and holy all the time just because we're Christians, gosh. Just give us a break lah, we're not God. Why not you try to be some goodass for a day, or maybe just an hour; I bet you can't even stay away from the F word and the flips. It's freaking tiring, it is. But we always strive to be better people because God's grace shouldn't be taken for granted. I mean, think about it. Why did God even bother to die on the cross for us when He could just say, "Haiya, those rotten souls. Let them suffer in hell, teach them a lesson kao kao. They deserve it, anyway." See, don't you get it? And you can jolly well go ahead and say we're hypocrites, because we are. I don't know how others feel but I dare to admit I'm one. A hypocrite, that is. And I dare say the whole church is filled with hypocrites because honestly, a church is not a museum for the good people; it's a hospital for the broken.

Frustrations, I didn't know when they crept into my mind. And those are just a fraction of them. Sorry for the post and the choice of words, I sounded really pissed but really, I'm just so frustrated. Feeling damn shitty today, have to let it go. But I think there'll be more of these posts coming after exams so to those who're new here, you came at the wrong time unless you're prepared for some of my unnecessary random thoughts, deep feelings and stupid insecurities. Trust me, I'm not enjoying any of this as well. Freaking roller coaster ride of emotions. God, get me off, please.

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