Tuesday, November 8, 2011 @ 10:00 PM
What did I ever do to you? I've never bothered you or disturbed or condemned you. Why? Because you see me as a competition? Many people do, but they don't mock me for my loss. They don't snicker at my mistakes. They don't gloat over my failures. They might be doing so silently in their hearts, but as long as I'm not around to witness it, it won't hurt me. But you, why? I've never liked to compare or compete with anyone, I was only willing to battle my own war. You weren't supposed to be my enemy, yet you kept coming back into my battle against myself. It's my war, not yours. I know you're fighting your way to be better than me, but what is there to prove? You are already better, greater, more perfect.
I've never envied you because I knew everyone has a limit; I know where mine lies. I've respected you because by embedding hatred into my heart will only harm myself. But now, you've thrown away your own dignity. My results may be disappointing and upsetting, caused by the foolish mistakes I've made; the world might view me from a whole different perspective - I may be smart, but I sure am one careless individual. However, no matter how bad I am, I'll never end up being as rotten as you. All the dirty tactics you've used to get to the top, oh, please. People see right through your filth but nobody cares to say a word. No, not because they dare not, but because you're not worth their time.
Perhaps it's because how you're raised at home, but I won't want to be pointing fingers at your family background just because of the way you portray yourself. Sometimes I wonder, how does achieving a higher grade than me pleasures you? Well, you might feel glorious for a while, but what's next? Comparing with others is a common thing; everyone does it - even me, I admit. Survival of the fittest, as the saying goes. At the end of the day, when I've already fallen way behind you, shrouded in the dust you've left behind, what will you do? You no longer have a benchmark, you have no one to compete with anymore, you have no purpose in life. Without setting an aim for yourself, you will never win. You might celebrate your victory over the entire world, but you'll never ever defeat yourself - you'll never win your own battle because you never fight.
Belittling others doesn't make you stronger, better, more superior. It just shows you're weak and feeble; the only thing you could do is to manipulate the minds of others to achieve your so-called success. Of course, I'm disappointed in myself but that's just a temporary feeling. I believe in order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear in failure. Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street. The fire remains burning in my heart. With a little fuel, no doubt I'll come back stronger and ready to fight, battle my own war and await the day of triumph and sweet victory.
He ran. He ran alongside me, and for a moment there, I was as fast as him. However, good things will surely come to an end. An abrupt halt. To my dismay, he gained speed and flew right ahead, toes merely touching the ground. He was faster than the wind, than sound, than the speed of light. I stopped and panted heavily, unable to accept the fact that I've lost. He was already miles ahead of me, a little speck in the distance. I was about to lose sight of him when I told myself, You stopped, but he didn't; he never will. If you don't start running again now, you'll never see him forever. That was all I need - a little push. I ran. I ran again. My legs kicked wildly, defying gravity; my arms sliced through the air beside me; my heart pumped furiously once more, but now with newfound determination.
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Whisk me away
Monday, November 7, 2011 @ 10:04 PM
First time being so hyped up to blog. ;) I went out with my 10 Sigma gang (sort of) today to Sunway Pyramid, yay! It's one of those rare moments where my parents slip their tongue and say yes to these hangouts that I cherish a lot because who in the world knows when will they say yes again? You know them lah, haiyo. -_- Anyway, I woke up at 6am today to bid goodbye to my beloved brother. He's going on a class trip to Singapore (which means I'll be spending quality time with the computer for three whole days :D). I went to sleep again afterwards until 9am then I got ready to go.
Mun Yeed's dad was kind enough to offer me a ride to Sunway Pyramid. Upon arrival, Hoev Quan already said he was there but he had to buy some gift for his friend's birthday so we went to book the tickets first. Mun Yeed, Hoev Quan and I chose to watch In Time while the rest watched Paranormal Activity 3. After a while, Hoev Quan came to find us with Pieter tagging along behind and then we all went in search of the (so-called) organiser, Bryan Wong Yi Jun. -_-
He told us to wait for him in front of Baskin Robbins and while we were waiting (for centuries), Hafiza came. "Hafiza! Bryan said he was waiting for you!" I exclaimed. "THE HECK?! HE CAME WITH ME LAH." We all went, "THEN WHERE THE HECK IS HE?!!" Apparently, Bryan was having a little snack so we went to look for him. -_- I'll remember this for life. And his snack wasn't that LITTLE, after all; it was a mountain of pancakes. ._. I bought a pretzel for breakfast while all of us waited for Bryan.
Hafiza, HAHAHAHA.
Hoev Quan and Bryan after a hearty meal.We went ice skating first. Bryan was the only person who knew how to skate. ._. TAN SU LI, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I SO AGREE WITH YOU. Ice skating is super duper mega giga ultra hard whey. :( I fell down twice. And screamed so loud till the whole mall shook, LOL. My inner bimbo, hahaha.
Mun Mun! :3Didn't get to take any photos while skating. I mean, seriously, I don't even know how to skate, so how would I know how to skate AND take pictures? I must be at Level 10000 to be able to do that. Anyway, the skating rink was like a hangout place for the world of teenagers. I saw my ex schoolmate and my friend from primary school there. Talk about a small, small world. My primary friend taught me how to skate (she's so much better than Bryan :X). She said you have to do the figure "8" when you're skating so that you won't fall easily. So true. I've never felt so proud of myself when I let go of the sidebar and skated an inch away from it. Yay, an accomplishment! :D
But if I ever get the chance to skate again, I won't. I'm serious. I got so many blisters from skating all because I didn't know we were supposed to either wear long socks or tuck the hem of our jeans into the iceskates. Ah, shucks. :/
My very sad leg.As I couldn't skate anymore because of the blisters, Mun Yeed and I decided to go gallivanting around. YES! Finally, first time ever in my life that I was allowed to go gallivanting somewhere OUTSIDE my garden! :D MIRACLE. We felt bad for leaving our group but they still wanted to skate and I could no longer do that with them mean blisters so we left. I felt kinda bad, though. :/ Mun Yeed brought me to a shoe shop called Payless. She's been telling me about that shop since God-knows-when 'cause according to her, that shop sells the most beautiful shoes at a very cheap price. Kononnya. Sorry, Mun Yeed, I still think that shop is kinda expensive. RM60 per pair? D: I just couldn't bring myself to buy one. I spotted one indigo flats that I liked but the price was not what I (or my mum) was willing to pay so we just turned and left. Sigh, NVM.
We went to Asian Avenue next as Mun Yeed said there were many cheap things there. We ran into Hoev Quan and Aaron so they kinda tagged along with us. We walked into this shop that was once a blogshop (still is, but I forgot the link) that sold many pretty little things. I like that shop. :) Very chic. I wanted to buy a cardigan there but all of them didn't look good on me - or I didn't look good enough to wear them :'( - so I went on to tamper with their vintage accessories. I saw a couple of rings that reminded me of Owlie but I didn't buy them (sorry, Su Li). I also saw a ring with a castle charm on top, damn huge and weird. Then, I tried on a ring with a dragonfly. When I was about to remove it from my finger, the dragonfly broke off. O_O SHIT. I put it back immediately and wanted to walk away but I felt very guilty so I bought a necklace which cost me RM15, my God. :S But NVM, I like that necklace. I'll show you later at the end of the post because I have a story to tell you about it. A very maddening story, indeed..
We were going to be late for our movie but we haven't had our lunch yet so Hoev Quan joined us at some toilet bowl shop (IDK the name). I'm serious, it's all designed to look like a toilet. Even the plates and cups, hahaha. I was sitting on a toilet bowl while eating, LOL.
Told ya! :)
Transparent tables that had sinks in it, fully furnished with toiletries.
Mini toilet bowls as ornaments, greeting their customers. *speechless*
Icon of the most recommended dish : A piece of shit.
Ice-cream that looked like a piece of shit. Disgusting. -_-
Mun Mun! Looking good... before the food came.
Other tables on the ground... with squat toilets as seats. Hahaha.Mun Yeed and Hoev Quan ordered a set lunch so their food arrived first... in bathtubs and the thingie where guys pee in, IDK what it's called.
Grossed-out looks. HAHAHAHAHA. Thank God I didn't order the set lunch or else I'll end up looking worse than them. ;)Hoev Quan finished his drink real fast so he ordered another one... which was served in a mini toilet bowl. *speechless*
He was extremely disgusted.
Mun Yeed and Hoev Quan's meal.
My yee mee, yum! :9Sadly, Hoev Quan had to go back early so he didn't get to watch the movie with us. :( RM14, all gone to waste. But the movie was no big deal lah. Damn boring. The plot of In Time is so freaking LAME. I suggest you to watch something else other than In Time. Trust me, even watching paint dry was more interesting than the ending. -_- But the actress, Amanda Seyfried, is gorgeous.
We hang around a while after the movie. I was so thirsty so I bought myself a strawberry juice from Auntie Anne's. To my horror, I had diarrhoea non-stop the minute I arrived home. -_- Kanasai, useless immune system. Anyway, all in all, I had a whale of a time with my friends. I know this is a chance that I'll never get again in a lifetime so I really cherish the moments I'd shared with them. :) Thanks, everyone, for making it such an awesome first time for me! :D
Okay, back to business. The necklace I'd bought for RM15. Remember? Here it is :
Yes, this picture is taken by me, I swear. That necklace is mine.WELL. I didn't know I had an affinity for keys as charms or pendants until the day I received a bracelet from Amanda...
SEE? THEY'RE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.Another charm bracelet I've made a few weeks ago also goes well with the necklace but I can't seem to find it. Sorry, then, no pictures. They all look really vintage and IDK why but I just love the idea of keys. Okay, fine, I know why. Keys mean freedom. I don't mind having a little freedom but not now lah; I know I'm still young and it's not time yet. Anyway, I showed my dad my new necklace excitedly and he replied instantly, "Take it off." Puzzled by his sudden change of mood, I asked, "Why?" I was kinda sad lah because I really like the necklace a lot. LOVE IT. I'm not those kind of girls who like wearing accesories so when I say I like it, I really mean it. I LOVE IT, OKAY. WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. Exaggerated, but yea, you get my point.
Proceed. He said, "Key. No way. Take it off." I was rather mad already so I asked, "Why should I? It doesn't even mean anything." He replied angrily, "Key means freedom. You'll get your freedom after you're 21. Take it off now." I was also in rage so I screamed, "NO. It's mine. I like it. I didn't even think about it having to do with freedom. You're thinking too much!" "By wearing a key around your neck before 21, you're being very rebellious. Now, TAKE IT OFF. AFTER YOU'RE 21. I AM STILL YOUR FATHER." he shouted. That was when I realised something really stupid he'd said : He was still my father? The heck? He meant that after I'm 21, he's not my father anymore? Makes no cow sense at all! I just stormed off into my room and left him there, bawling. WTH, he totally ruined my good mood, man. ==
Hmph, I'll wear BOTH together next time; I'll show him. >8(0 Hullabaloo(s) : contribute
Sunday, November 6, 2011 @ 10:41 PM
Sorry to drop this über huge bombshell on you guys, but I can't hold it in any longer and I must tell you right away. Headline news : I HAVE A LIFE. I don't live to face the books all day (and night) long and I have to eat. I'm human, remember? Or did you think I was a robot? And yes, I need my daily dose of MapleStory and games, if you don't mind. My legs itch everyday to go out, and by going out I mean OUTSIDE the gates of our house, not just in our own little sweet garden. I'm not asking for freedom or anything but I just hope you realise that I'm the same species as you and not a dog - you don't like being bounded by invisible and unbreakable chains, too, right? I have to hyperventilate now and then and rant on my blog, if that's alright with you guys; I'd also like my own privacy so that's why I lock the door to my room, sometimes. As a teenager, I'd love to have the chance to chitchat and socialise with my friends, not those pile of storybooks or flowers and grass in our garden if you haven't noticed. Like I've mentioned above, I'm not a robot which means I have feelings and I don't like to be scolded 24/7 for not charging my cellphone ONCE. Also, I'm not your little princess so don't expect me to act like one; being a girl wasn't my choice. I'd suggest you allow me to use the computer/iPad now since the exams are over because you wouldn't want me to suffer from high blood pressure at such a tender age, right? I'm sure that'd be such a catastrophe because you guys love me very much, no doubt. Plus, I can do Maths and Accounts so you don't have to worry about me keeping my own money safe. You don't have to steal my RM250 away from me, alright? And please stop worrying about my future because when the time comes, I'll tell you what I want to be (as if you'd care). Oh, and one more thing, talking to guys doesn't mean I'm attached to them in any way, so stop suspecting that I have millions of boyfriends and every single one of them is dangerous and evil. Remember, I'm a nun and I won't do such things to go against my principles. I am not as innocent as you think and I can fend for myself, since now I'm, what, SIXTEEN? Thanks for realising that fact. Well, to end this, I hope you guys can see me the way I see myself and stop treating me like crap because frankly speaking, I
Sincerely,
Your estranged daughter
Your estranged daughter
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Saturday, November 5, 2011 @ 2:34 PM
I realised I'm really antisocial. I was studying with Mun Yeed that day in the canteen when that fact sank into me. She was telling me about her cousins who'll go and hide when visitors came to their house and she said, "So antisocial! What is there to be scared about?" And I said quietly, "Hey, that sounds like me. What will you do, then? Go out and greet them?" I asked her and she said, "Of course!"
The next evidence is when I'm new to someone or my friends' friends are introduced to me, I'll just smile and nod. No "hey" or "how are you doing" and stuff. If you were to invite me to have lunch with you and a bunch of your friends whom I don't know, I swear I will turn down your offer although I'd love to go. I don't hate meeting new people and I am definitely not a shy person. What is my problem, then? -_- I AM SO ANTISOCIAL. And I blame my parents for that. IT'S THEIR FAULT. It must be all those times where I ask them whether I can hang out with my friends or meet new people and they'll just reply me with, "NO." Or, "Kaki jalan already lah? Want to lepak everywhere, is it? So clever to gallivant around nowadays. Becoming more and more demanding and acting like an Ah Lian."
WTH? Running around in my own garden means gallivanting around? Hanging out? With who? Flowers and grass? The insects? -_- Don't blame me because I don't dare to order a pizza or go to the counter to request for a stack of tissues. I HAVE NEVER ORDERED PIZZA. AND I DON'T NEED TISSUES. >:( I really hate it when they say I'm demanding. Seriously? I try my best to get good grades and ignore those people who call me kiasu and nerd and lifeless in order to live up to your demands. All for what? For you to say I'm demanding? Oh, I agree with you, very much so.
And how could you ever say I'm transforming into an Ah Lian (which basically means lala)? Eh, seriously lah, the way I dress is more down-to-earth than Earth itself, okay. And since when did being an Ah Lian has anything to do with going out? Plus, I have never gone out before so your argument is invalid. People get shocked everyday when I tell them I've never gone out/hang out with my friends. My words never fail to surprise them. Which is a bad thing. A REALLY bad thing.
What's more, my parents said they are worried that I'm not growing up enough. Mentally. The heck?! I'm all grown up like a damn oak tree but only you all don't see it and just lock me inside like Snoopy. Sigh, Snoopy and I are leading the same pathetic lives. Only his is much better than mine because he doesn't need to worry about exams and socialising. And he gets to go for walks twice everyday unlike me where the furthest I can go is the gates of my house, FML.
Geram, I need food now. At times like this when I'm upset, I don't bother about losing weight anymore because all I wanna do is EAT. -_-
Mmm, Hokkaido cake, my best friend.
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12:22 AM
Freedom has never tasted this sweet, I just can't get enough of it.Don't worry, my blog isn't dead; it just went into hibernation mode. 8) Exams are finally OVER. Nightmare ends here. Period. I have never felt so stress-free in my life before, not even after PMR or UPSR. FREEDOM TASTES SO GOOD, me gusta. I think I lost so many brain cells in the process. I'm having a really bad migraine right now from all the late nights but whattheheck, I wanna update my blog NOW.
This exam has really been a bad one for me; it was naaasty. :( Totally screwed up big time, I don't think I'll be able to accept my results. D: Damn stress throughout the whole three weeks of torture! And I realised something : I bite my nails when I'm stress. ._. I know that's disgusting but I just can't help it! And then when they break, I'll start peeling them in the midst of doing my tests and waste so much of precious time. That explains why I always have to rush my papers and write down lame answers without extra time to check them. -_- I've never realised that before 'cause I've always keep my nails as short as possible; only recently my rebellious streak started. :P
Sigh. I shall cut them very soon 'cause I wanna play the piano. I suddenly feel so motivated to play already after graduating, LOL. Weird whey. Does anyone know where to download free music sheets? I've a really hard time finding those kind of free sites. :/ Man, I don't wanna sleep now lah. My head is aching really badly but I wanna party like Rebecca Black! :D EXCITED MAX FOR MONDAY. First outing with my new friends to Sunway Pyramid. I sound so noob lah but seriously, it's really my first outing. ._. Can't believe my mum actually agreed to let me go, miracle whey. But I'm kinda scared that she'll suddenly change her mind. Fingers crossed and knotted.
During the exams, I have written down a whole list of stuff to do after the exams and I was so excited until I couldn't concentrate on studying. == But now, I've lost the list and I feel so aimless. Well, here's my NEW and IMPROVED list. :D I hope I can achieve at least half of them.
- Play songs that I like on the piano
- Walk Snoopy twice a day
- Lose weight (MUST. ACHIEVE. THIS.)
- Read finish my books that had already collected so much dust
- Chill with my awesome friends (old and new)
- Join sleepoverrrrrs!
- Play MapleStory 24/7 :D :D :D
- Update my blog everyday
- Watch the latest movies
- LEARN HOW TO DRIVE (I'm serious)
- Go swimming/cycling/play badminton/tennis/do some kind of sport everyday
- Take up an instrument (violin, drums, guitar - I can't decide D:)
- Start making charm bracelets again :]
- Go back to being a shutterbug (I miss my DSLR! ♥)
- Chat with my sister! I MISS YOU SO MUCH, ONG RU XUAN.
That's about it. Shall update the list if I have thought about more stuff to accomplish. Oh, and to those who own a blog, UPDATE LAH. Your biggest fan (aka me) misses being fed your daily dose of rantings. ;) Till then, ciaoz.
Viva la vida.
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Tuesday, September 20, 2011 @ 10:55 PM
TODAY, ON THE 20TH OF SEPTEMBER, 2011 WHICH IS A TUESDAY, IS THE GREATEST, MOST WONDERFUL, GLORIOUS, DIVINE, SPLENDID, FANTASTIC, AWESOME, INCREDIBLE, TERRIFIC, FABULOUS, SPECTACULAR, MARVELLOUS, MAGNIFICIENT, MAJESTIC, HISTORIC DAY OF MY ALREADY GREAT, WONDERFUL, GLORIOUS, DIVINE, SPLENDID, FANTASTIC, AWESOME, INCREDIBLE, TERRIFIC, FABULOUS, SPECTACULAR, MARVELLOUS, MAGNIFICIENT, MAJESTIC, HISTORIC LIFE.
I passed my Grade 8 piano exam.
LIKE A BOSS. 8DDD
Okay, I take that back. All the glory and credit goes to God, that's for sure. He did not forsake me after I held on to my faith in Him. He answered my prayers and those who had prayed for me. This is what I call, a REAL miracle.
With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.- Matthew 19 : 26
Amen. :)
In the meantime, I DON'T WISH TO DIE ANYMORE. LOL, I know that's just stupid lah, but I'm inspired to live again. 'CAUSE I KNOW MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. With my Lord, Jesus Christ. ♥
Life sure is goooooood. 8D
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