Friday, May 23, 2014 @ 10:30 PM
We were celebrating our huge success. People were dancing and singing loudly around us, getting drunk. We were not. We joined the game of Truth or Dare. I picked "Dare" in the first round. I was afraid of my "Truth". My "Dare" was easy - all I had to do was take a few shots. God blessed me with high tolerance, thank You. They cheered me on as I took them. You watched. I felt weird, not from the alcohol but your intense gaze. What are you looking at?
I remembered the first time meeting you at the party with your friends. I just had a few drinks. I was pushed towards you by accident. You introduced yourself. I could not pronounce your name the way you did. I laughed at myself. You looked like a player. I did not think twice. I was high. Your existence escaped me until we went to our next social event. My friend was too drunk to function after we had pres at your place. She drew some vulgar images on your costume on the way to the event. We all laughed hysterically. Being a sensitive person, I caught your microexpression. You appeared disturbed for a brief moment but then laughed along quickly. I was puzzled. Players are supposed to be cool about these things, right? I kept a lookout for you. You are not what I have expected. I realised you are not a player. You seemed calm and collected among the other drunktards at the bar. You stood out. I was amused. I discovered that you do not drink. That came off attractive.
I watched you all the time. You are certainly not an alpha male but you have my attention. My friends do not understand why. Me neither. You are shy yet bold; reserved yet loud; conservative yet naughty - how is that even possible? And your passion. It burns in your eyes when I look at you. The heat irradiates when I am around you. I admire you a lot. You are so talented but humble. A real inspiration. Learning a little about you every time we meet is thrilling. Physique wise, you have really gorgeous eyes. An extremely ripped body. A rough complexion that I only realised when I stood next to you. Bad hair that I have grown to love.
I waved at you once when we bumped into each other in between classes. You walked right past me with your friends but you suddenly turned back and waved vigorously. You apologised and said you could not recognise me because I was wearing my glasses. I laughed. You are adorable. I still did not think much about you. We saw each other again later on and talked. We almost went for dinner together - just us, without the rest - but I pulled away. I said I had work to do. I was comfortable around you back then. You were just another friend I would love to add to my life. It is not the same now. I realised that I cannot deal with you after discovering your incredible qualities. I am not myself anymore. I stopped talking to you. I ignored your advances to make conversation. You stopped trying. I did not even try in the first place. We grew apart. Is it a shame?
I started feeling slightly tipsy. It was my turn again. I picked "Truth". You excused yourself for a moment. I received my question. Your name slipped. Do I regret it? No. You were not even there to hear. Your friends stared at me. I nodded like it was nothing. They were unconvinced. Days passed. The high is gone. We are sober again. We retreated back into our own lives. We meet up as a group sometimes. Your friends ask for confirmation every time. I deny it. You probably knew nothing of it. Or did they tell you what happened? My words are best assumed as another drunk confession. I was not thinking straight (I was). I was not sober (I was). It was not sincere (it was). You are better off left with uncertainties than knowing for sure. I do not cope well with heartfelt connections. I am not ready. Are you?
I hung out with one of our mutuals two days ago. The topic of you seeped into our conversation. I listened. He claimed that you are logical but insecure. "Insecure?" I asked. "Why?" "Because he does not want to be seen as a geeky guy." "Geeky? What the hell." I do not know which one surprised me more - the fact that you are insecure or the fact that you thought others saw you as a geek. I guess I could say everyone is insecure in their own way... But geeky? You? Not even close. Well, maybe you are but being a geek definitely does not reduce your attractiveness. You are such a good catch. You truly are.
To be honest, I dislike where this is going. I dreamt about you last night. I do not need this. It is unnecessary. Hell, I just dedicated a blog post to you. You should not have lit the fire in me. I should not have let you. I do not want to burn with your passion. I do not want to burn myself. No one likes getting hurt.
I want to be cold.
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Whisk me away