Wednesday, November 14, 2012 @ 8:05 PM
Lying. To lie means to obscure the truth from someone whether it's for your own benefit or not. I used to think lying was entirely bad like how I thought everything in the world was so simple. Just black and white. It's either this or that. Left or right. Good or bad. So, lying is just plain bad. But no matter how rigid of a person you are, it's an undeniable fact that there's bound to be a "grey area" in life. That's when the black coincides with the white, like when something fits into both categories - you can't possibly say it's entirely black when it's also white as well, right? That's how lying is to me now. Lying falls in the "grey area". Should've known lying wasn't entirely bad from the start or else so many girls will get hurt when people say they look ugly/fat in that dress, LOL.
I'm sure you know that the truth always hurts (if it's bad news) but sometimes, TELLING the truth is also as painful. Of course, we should tell the truth all the time but no one - I repeat - NO ONE can handle the truth all the time. It's like shoving bittergourds down a person's throat non-stop but they taste way better than the truth sometimes. That's why we lie.
Ironically, we hate liars. I know I do. I detest liars! I hate it when someone's being dishonest, it really irks me. I'm not saying I don't lie AT ALL but when it's not necessary, don't do it. People feel cheated, betrayed, hurt. The trust between people breaks just because of a huge unnecessary lie exposed and the trust once shared is so hard to build again. I hate liars. Why lie when you don't have to? I hate them. But maybe I shouldn't, really.
Some liars don't lie through their teeth, it actually takes a lot of effort (and creativity, lulz) to lie. Believe me, I seldom lie. No, that wasn't a lie. Really, I don't lie very often. I can be so painfully truthful that it hurts people. But I think I told the biggest lie today, to someone I truly love. I didn't know lying can come so easily when you're in need. For once, the truth was just so hard to spit out. Saying everything will turn out fine, just keep believing, good things will come to those who wait. I'm a freaking liar. I know it won't. Nothing good will come; everything will probably go downhill from there, I've seen it too many times, it's like being punched in the face over and over again.
I didn't know lying could be this hard, I felt like I've murdered our trust. But I can't possibly tell the truth, it's just too... Painful. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough. My faith wavers all the time. I don't believe that God really makes this kind of miracles happen. Is that why my prayers keep failing? Or is He just waiting for the right moment to answer them? Or perhaps, deep down, you know it as well. And accepting it already, unlike me. Maybe you're waiting for me to say it's all over but I can't, I'm sorry. Or were you willing me to tell you otherwise? You needed something to hold on to, some made-up, so-called "truth" and you knew I'll gladly give it to you? Telling you it'll all be okay? I hope it will. I really do. But I'm too weak to believe in that, though. Argh, I'm such a loser. I love you but you seriously don't deserve such a lousy friend lah.
Damn, this is such a depressing post.
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