Friday, November 9, 2012 @ 5:15 PM
A few weeks ago, I went for my youth's monthly prayer meeting for the first time. Honestly, if it wasn't compulsory for the P&W team members, I wouldn't have gone, not because I feel prayer meetings are boring like most people do, but because I'm afraid it'll get awkward when we have all finished praying and sitting around doing nothing. Yes, that's what I thought prayer meetings were all about. Pray, sit around and do nothing, wait for a miracle. I don't know how it works but it sounds kinda dry to me. I still went although it was exams period (still is).
We did sit around but we certainly didn't do nothing. I didn't know it'll start off with P&W - yes, with singing and music. There were no lyrics displayed at the front like every Sunday but everyone was singing softly in their own words, different and yet in harmony. That was the best. Eventually, the praying began. Everyone had their personal moment with God; I had mine, too. Prayer isn't something rigid, like you can't fit it into a box. Prayer's different for everyone; it's a lot like love, actually. There are no rules to praying like you have to clasp your hands together while you pray, or close your eyes, or bow your heads. No one can ever tell you how to pray and you can't learn prayer from someone else. I feel prayer is a personal interaction with God, like how you communicate with someone you love dearly. It'll be ridiculous if you went up to a friend and asked, "How do I talk to the people I love? What should I say? Is there a right way to talk to them?" No, there isn't. The only right way I can think of is to talk. Just talk. Talk to the people you love. Talk to God.
Perhaps I wasn't focusing so much God and I feel quite guilty for that. A few times, I glanced around and watched how others prayed. I was praying in the usual position - seated, hands together, head bowed, eyes closed (well, not when I was people-watching); some were standing; some were kneeling; some were pacing back and forth; some were crying/laughing; some were dancing and prancing around (wow); some were facing the wall while they prayed; some were even singing and worshipping. It intrigued me. I continued to pray hard and give thanks to the Lord, for the triumphs and trials in my life.
Ps. Phillip then asked us to go up to one person that God's telling us to pray for. People started moving and I remembered panicking a little because God didn't tell me to pray for anyone. Or maybe He did but I wasn't paying enough attention to Him, unfortunately. I just stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do, when someone tapped me on my shoulder and asked, "Can I pray for you?" Surprised, I turned around. It was Aisha and she prayed for me. I was going through a rough patch at that time and her prayer did help me a lot so I'm really grateful to her. Ps. Phillip preached for a while then he got us all standing in a circle, holding hands. One by one, we took turns to pray for someone/something as long as it's not ourselves.
Then, it was my turn. I didn't really know what to pray but I remembered blurting out my first sentence, "Thank God I'm alive right now." And at that moment, it dawned on me that I never once thanked God for my life. For His breath in me. For my soul and spirit. These past few months, I have met and heard so many people suffering and dying, especially from cancer. Stomach cancer, breast cancer, skin cancer, bone cancer, ovarian cancer, etc. My grandpa suffered from prostate cancer last year till February and I'm forever thankful that God spared him. The day of the prayer meeting was actually a public holiday but my parents had to attend THREE funerals and visit TWO of their close friends with cancer. Although they're all not related to me/I've never met them before, their sufferings did affect me subconsciously these few months. No wonder I was feeling so depressed and upset.
First stage, second stage, third stage, fourth stage. Innocent people are suffering and dying everyday. Family members lose hope and happiness. Loved ones shed tears and feel helpless. Such agony and pain that people have to go through every single day while here I am, having the nerve to whine about how unfair and tough life is and not wanting to live anymore just because of some petty matter. How shameful and ungrateful, this girl. I was so overwhelmed with my new realisation, something just stirred inside me. I shook and shivered as I prayed for the people who're suffering and dying, prayed for their families to have peace in their hearts, prayed for miracles to happen. My choice of words were simple as I don't pray very well but I knew God saw through me and heard my heart. At last, I asked Him to strengthen my faith because I knew mine was starting to crumble again. I refuse to go back to who I was for the past six years - one who had backslid and drifted away from Him.
Thinking back, I'm thankful that P&W team members were forced to go for prayer meetings (although many of them didn't turn up, HAHA). I'd gladly skip it if I could but luckily I didn't, phew. I learnt so much. I guess I might go for the next one if it doesn't clash with my ballet classes. And if someone you love is suffering from a chronic disease or you're experiencing the dumps right now, just pray. Prayer works - it always does. Or you can always come talk to me, I don't mind listening. :)
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