Monday, November 16, 2009 @ 9:45 PM
Lemme tell you this : It's all YOUR FAULT.
Don't ask me why. I know you know the reason why. And I know you know that I know. It's YOUR FAULT that nobody wants to wish you. It's YOUR FAULT people avoid you on your birthday. It's YOUR FAULT nobody cares about you. I'm dying to tell everyone and I will. I shall not stand anymore of your silly tantrums. You should be aware of what you did and it's entirely YOUR FAULT.
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Year 2008
The day was perfect for a birthday-announcement. You had told me months before about the day you landed on planet Earth. I felt very excited myself although it has got nothing to do with me. And you know why? It's because I felt happy for you. A new friend. Her birthday. Rejoice! That was what I had in mind.
I had a plan.
I trotted into our classroom and saw many had approached you. I guess you've told quite a number of girls, too. I pounced on you and shrieked, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!" That time, you were trying to hide a triumph smile from me. "Who said it was my birthday?" You thought I've forgotten about it, didn't you? *grins* I was just sorry that I didn't get you anything for your birthday.
That was my only regret.
Like exactly what I'd planned, after recess, I'd announced to the whole class, "TODAY IS enteryournamehere'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO CONGRATULATE HER, EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" before our class teacher entered. I was ecstatic then after announcing your birthday. I'd even remembered Thadass mumbling to himself about your birthday.
"ONG RU MIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A piercing scream broke out through our classmates' cheerful wishes. Our whole classroom was as silent as the grave and it was deafening to hear a pin dropped. I took a glance at you and, instead of a pair of twinkling eyes and a grinning mouth I was expecting, your eyes were blazing with fury and you were panting(!). I was shocked out of my skin. Where did I go wrong? I thought I could forgive myself for omitting your gift.
But I felt terrible.
"WHY DID YOU TELL EVERYONE THAT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, YOU BIG MOUTH?!!!!!!!! YOU TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BIRTHDAY, MY POSITION IN PRIMARY SCHOOL, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN, DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh, mother goose. I didn't know you'd feel so upset after listening to my blabbers about your big day. I forgot --- This was the part that I'd regretted the most.
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Year 2009
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Year 2009
Once again, your birthday came. I knew better not to babble about anything regarding your big day. I kept to myself and didn't dare to tell a single soul. I didn't want to upset you again. The feeling was horrible. I saw you hunching over your History textbook, memorizing all those promises British made to please Malaysia. I sat beside you and whispered "Happy Birthday" with Ithinkyouknowwho smiling down at us.
Your response : a scowl.
A split-second flashback occurred. Your expression reminded me of what I'd done last year. I cannot forget it and never will. A few months later, I typed some poems for a few friends in my blog as it was their birthday. "Are their birthdays that great, huh? Have to reserve a post about their birthday? What about me? Why didn't you blog about me when it was my birthday?" I didn't know how to reply. I wanted to tell you the truth but the truth always hurts.
The more birthdays of my friends I'd encountered, the more times you threw me sarcastic comments. The more times I blogged and wished others, the more times you blogged and insulted those who didn't wish you. One fine day, I couldn't take it anymore. I told you the reason why and everything that had happened is your own doing, remember?
It's YOUR FAULT.
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Understand now, little one? Stop blubbering like a big baby and start thinking of what you've done to make others think you're invisible. It's you yourself that had told people not to blabber about your big day. It's you yourself that told others not to disturb you. It's you yourself who has locked yourself in a cage. Only you yourself can free yourself as you're the only one who has the key. I'd kill to make you let me to blog about your birthday. I'd like to announce to the entire universe about your birthday.
So, do not blame others for not wishing, bothering or caring for you. Open your eyes wider and you'd see that there are many who'd died to make you notice them. Your friends are always out there for you and it's YOUR FAULT for letting yourself be blinded by your results. It's YOUR FAULT for neglecting others when you're studying. And it's entirely YOUR FAULT for ignoring those who cared so much for you but got cursed, scolded, abused and etc, instead.
Wake up.
It's time to realise that it is :
YOUR FAULT.
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